We Now Pause for Station Identification

I've trying to think of the next essay to post, something high-minded and philosophical. Something eloquent and articulate. But nothing's coming to mind so I'm just going to get all auto-therapeutic and bitch about my life.

Actually, I like my life. A lot. My life is one of the most interesting things going. Just ask me. So I'm not really bitching. Well, maybe a little:

In response to my dream of being a Buddha-killer, Thom answered privately to suggest a piece that's not even on the blog, and Matthew made some suggestions, probably because he wants me to contribute to a collaborative blog he's set up. The rest of you suck, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. :)

No, seriously, I've taken Thom and Matthew's suggestions under advisement and submitted something -- actually a couple of somethings -- to KtB to see if they bite. I'll keep you posted, of course.

In other news, I'm about to lose my church gig, inasmuch as we've just hired someone full-time to do what I've been doing part-time. This is a bit of an anxiety-inducer at my house -- the money part, that is. The being-out part we're pretty happy about. This has been pretty good, as far as church gigs go, but it's still a church gig. There's some stuff that comes with that, especially for a guy like me. But it's not like I've been treated unfairly. I've always known that my post was interim, and while I briefly entertained the idea of being that full-time person, I knew when we decided against such a move that my days were definitively numbered. I have not been misled or mistreated, and I never intended to stay forever.

There are transition details to work out but basically it's time to close this chapter of my life and ponder what's next. And except for the loss of income, what's next seems kind of exciting. Where might I go? What might I do? I don't mean the former in the geographical sense or the latter in the vocational sense; what I mean is: what does my life look like if no part of my income is contingent upon my serving a function in the evangelical soul-winning enterprise? This feels remarkably freeing.

We'll still be going to church, and I'm sure I'll still be tapped for musical roles, though I'm going to try to keep that to a minimum, especially for now. The new guy needs to be able to cook in his own kitchen without me looking over his shoulder, and I think I need the space from evangelical religion. I want to continue to write about it, though, so I can't stray too far. There's too much good material to be had.

I think, eventually and gradually, I'd like to re-incorporate my blogger alter ego into who I am IRL, such that "Irritable Reaching" is no longer a separate persona, but just the blog of the guy I am all the time. It won't change my writing any, but it will let me lay claim to it in a way that seems more whole. On the other hand, even without being employed at a church, full disclosure -- especially in some sort of dramatic fashion that I'd hate anyway -- would be socially devastating.

So: eventually and gradually.